


Close Enough To Touch

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: Drama, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-05-11
Updated: 2003-05-11
Packaged: 2017-11-01 11:11:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/356028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The missing parts of Prodigal</p>
            </blockquote>





	Close Enough To Touch

## Close Enough To Touch

by Katlynn

[]()

* * *

Clark threw the ball to Pete and stopped, watching a little uneasily as Lex's car pulled up in the drive. Things were still shaky between them, ever since Clark had accused him of trying to frame his father. He hadn't meant it. He regretted the words the second they left his mouth. But he had been too scared and too proud to take them back. But even after that, Lex had forgiven him. And then Clark had fucked up again. Of course it really wasn't his fault. It was that stupid red meteor rock Pete had slipped him. He had not been nice to Lex. No, that was an understatement. He had been downright mean, going as far as to shove Lex hard across the barn. The minute he got away from the influence of that damn rock, he was overcome with guilt. After the most heartfelt apology he could give, Lex had again forgiven him. But there had been a wariness in his eyes that hadn't been there before. And Clark didn't know how to erase it, no matter how much he wanted to. 

Clark eyed Lex's passenger curiously. Nobody he'd ever seen before, though he looked vaguely familiar. 

"Guys, I want you to meet somebody" Lex said to Clark and Pete as he stopped the convertible and stepped out. "This is Lucas..." he paused and looked at Clark. "...my brother." 

Clark felt as though someone had kicked him in the stomach. Brother? He should say something. He knew this. But he just couldn't seem to form any words at that moment. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Lex watching him. 

As Pete invited Lucas to play some ball, Clark followed Lex back to his car, looking back over his shoulder a little dazed. 

"Didn't mean to drop a bombshell on you" Lex said, leaning casually against the car. 

Clark swallowed and tried to find his voice. "I though he was supposed to be...well...uh...dead" he said, knowing he sounded like an idiot. 

Lex chuckled. "Just buried by my father. I've been looking for him for several months." 

Since you found out we weren't brothers Clark thought. "Why didn't you say something?" he asked. He tried to keep the hurt out of his voice, but he knew it bled through. Why in the hell did he feel like crying? 

"Because I wasn't sure what I was going to find" Lex replied casually. 

Clark just stood there, not knowing what to say. Lex had found his brother. He knew how much this meant to him. How much he wanted it. _You should be happy for him_ he told himself. So why wasn't he? Because Lex was his, that's why. Because he was Lex's one true friend, no matter what had happened between them. And though this kid was his brother, he didn't know him at all. Not like Clark did. 

As he stood there, trying to take it all in, Lex's cell rang. Lex's brow furrowed as he pulled his phone from his pocket and looked at the caller ID. 

"I've gotta straighten something out with the bank" he said suddenly, sounding distracted. "Lucas, we have to get going" he called to his brother. 

_No_ Clark's mind screamed, but he kept silent. It was better this way. He needed time to think about this...to process it. 

"I'll catch you later, Clark" Lex said casually as he climbed back into his car. 

Clark nodded to him, still at a loss for words. He gave Lucas another glance and noticed the gleam in his eye...the smirk on his face...like he knew this was a competition for Lex's affection, and he'd won the first round. Clark couldn't help but glare at him as they pulled away. 

* * *

Clark spent the day in his room, laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He couldn't get his mind off of Lex. And his brother. Clark finally admitted the emotion he felt was jealousy. He was jealous of Lucas. Because Lucas was the brother that Lex so desperately wanted, and Clark had been the substitute for...until now. Now he wasn't needed. Lex had the real thing. So why had Lex brought Lucas to meet him? To rub his face in it? While it was something Lex might do to people like his father, it wasn't something he would usually do to Clark. But things had changed between them, thanks to Clark. 

"You're a fucking idiot, Kent" he whispered to himself. He needed to talk to Lex. Now. He needed to know where they stood before he drove himself crazy. He climbed out of bed and thundered down the stairs, intent on telling his parents he was going out for a bit, when he heard a knock on the door. "I'll get it" he yelled. He opened the door, and stood there stunned. Lex was standing on his doorstep. "Hey Lex" he said, trying to sound casual, though is heart was again racing and he could feel the sweat break out across his body though it was the middle of winter. 

"Clark, I'm sorry to bother you" Lex said, not sounding like himself at all. 

Clark's protective instincts kicked in immediately. Something was wrong. "Is everything alright?" he asked. 

"No, it's not" Lex told him. He seemed to be having trouble looking Clark in the eye. Something definitely wasn't right. 

"Lex, what is it?" his mom asked, as she and his dad walked to the door to see what was going on. Of course his dad didn't look too happy to see Lex on their doorstep. 

"According to my father...I...uh...am no longer a Luther" Lex said, looking at his parents. "He's left me with nothing...not even a place to live." Clark could hear the hurt in his voice, though he was trying to hide it. He looked at Clark, and Clark could see the helplessness in his eyes and his heart melted. "So I was...uh...wondering...if umm...I could stay with you for a while?" 

Clark wanted to do nothing more than pull Lex against him and hold him. He looked so lost, and Clark knew what it took to come asking for a place to stay...not only coming to him, but to his father. 

Clark and his mother both looked at Jonathon, pleading to him with their eyes. _We can't turn him away_ Clark screamed at him mentally. _Please!_

Jonathon sighed. "Sure Lex, you can stay" he said, though it sounded like a personal sacrifice to him. Which it probably was, considering what he thought of Lex, and the Luthor's in general. 

Lex sighed, and his shoulders seemed to slump a little. "Thank you, Mr. Kent. You have know idea what this means to me" he said. 

"I don't turn away people in need" Jonathon said before turning away. He was clearly not happy with the situation. 

Martha sighed and turned back to Lex, ignoring her husband. "Come on in, Lex, and we'll get you settled" she told him with a soft smile. You could always count on mom. 

"Thank you, Mrs. Kent" Lex said sincerely as he followed her inside, carrying what Clark assumed was all that his father had allowed him to take in one small bag. He didn't even look at Clark as he walked past, and Clark felt his heart break just a little. This was not going to be easy. 

* * *

Clark laid in bed, staring at the ceiling, knowing there was no way he was going to be able to sleep at all. Lex hadn't said a word to him that night...just went to the guest room and stayed there. Clark wanted to go to him. His heart ached with the thought of what Lex was going through at that moment. But he wasn't sure that he would be welcomed or even wanted. A month ago it wouldn't have been a problem. They had been close. But Clark had fucked up everything. And so here they were, just a room apart, but it felt like miles. 

Finally, after counting about a thousand sheep, Clark climbed from his bed and headed downstairs, figuring a midnight snack might help him sleep. As he walked into the living room, he realized that he wasn't the only one who couldn't sleep. There was a low fire burning in the fireplace, and someone sitting on the couch, staring into the flames. Lex. Clark considered going back upstairs, and turned to do so, when a quiet voice stopped him. 

"Don't go." 

Clark's heart constricted at the sound of Lex's voice...so lost and alone. He'd never heard Lex sound like that, and he was sure he never wanted to hear it again. It hurt too much. 

He walked over and sat on the couch next to Lex, close but not quite touching. "Lex? Are you ok?" he asked softly, already knowing the answer. 

Lex swallowed hard. "Yeah...no..." he chuckled, though there was no humor in his laugh. "I don't really know actually." He looked over at Clark. "I just don't want to be alone right now" he said softly. 

Clark had never seen him look so...open before. Every emotion showed on his face at that moment, and Clark felt the tears well up in his eyes. "Lex..." he said softly. And before he knew it, Lex was in his arms, clinging to him. "You're not alone" he whispered, holding him close. 

He should have been uncomfortable, holding another man in his arms. He knew that. But he wasn't. Holding Lex just felt...right. There was no other word for it. He leaned back on the couch and pulled Lex with him. Lex burrowed his face into Clark's chest, and Clark just held on, not speaking, just feeling. He could feel the wetness soaking through his thin t-shirt, and the slight shaking of Lex's shoulders, and he just held him closer. "Never alone" he whispered, closing his eyes and pressing his lips against Lex's scalp, not even thinking of his actions, just doing what felt natural. Just comforting the person he cared more about than anyone else on earth. This realization rocked him just a little, but surprisingly, not very much. It was the truth. Lex meant more to him that anyone ever had. Now just wasn't the time to be examining those feelings too closely. 

He turned slightly on the couch, and brought one leg up, nestling Lex between them and tighter against his chest. Lex didn't complain...didn't say a word...just moved with Clark until they were comfortable, with Clark almost laying down on the couch, and Lex pretty much on top of him. For the first time in a long time, there was no awkwardness or uncomfortable feelings between them. Just comfort and closeness. Eventually, he could feel Lex relax against him and his breath even out, and he held on tighter, wishing the night would never end. As he drifted off to sleep himself, one thought echoed through is mind, though it never made it past his lips. I love you. 

* * *

He had never been more annoyed with that damn rooster as he was at that moment. Laying on the couch, with Lex wrapped up in his arms, was like a dream to him, and he didn't want to ever awaken. 

But that fucking rooster wouldn't shut the hell up, and all too soon, Lex stirred against him. 

"Can't we cut it's head off and have it for dinner?" Lex mumbled against his chest. 

That drew a surprised laugh from Clark. He didn't know what he was expecting from Lex this morning. Uncomfortable silence...awkwardness...pretending last night hadn't happened. But humor was definitely not what he was expecting. "Don't give me any ideas" he said, tightening his arms around Lex almost instinctively as Lex moved to sit up. 

"Fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy...sounds good to me" Lex yawned, settling back against Clark without protest. 

Clark grinned. "Somehow I don't think mom would be too thrilled if we cooked her only rooster" he said, closing his eyes once again to the grey dawn peeking through the curtains. 

Lex groaned. "Parents...right...almost forgot..." he struggled once again to sit up, but Clark wouldn't relent. "Clark, as comfortable as this is, and as much as I'd like to stay right here forever, I don't think your parents would be too thrilled if they walked down and saw me practically laying on top of their son." 

Clark sighed and loosened his grip. "God I hate being a teenager" he grumbled, sitting up. The loss of Lex's body heat as he moved away caused him to shiver. Lex sat up next to him and stretched, his hands clasped above his head. Clark couldn't tear his eyes away. 

Lex finished stretching and slumped back against the couch. He turned and looked at Clark. "Good morning" he said softly, uncertainty showing in his eyes, like he wasn't sure how Clark was going to react to what had happened the night before. 

Clark couldn't hide the smile that formed on his lips as he looked back at Lex. "It's definitely better than most" he said quietly. Waking up with Lex in his arms was something out of dreams he generally tried not to dwell on. But it was definitely something he wanted to do again...and again. 

Lex searched his eyes, then reached up and ran a knuckle across Clark's cheek. "Thank you "he whispered, his eyes saying so much more than his words ever could. 

Clark swallowed hard. "Anytime" he replied with feeling, mixed with just a bit of hope that there would be another time. Ok, so a lot of hope. For the first time since Clark's encounter with the red meteor rock, the uneasiness and wariness in Lex's eyes were gone. And Clark was determined to see that they never returned. Ever. "You ok?" 

Lex nodded and turned his head, laying it on Clark's shoulder. "Better than I thought I would be" he said. "Especially considering it's...what...6 a.m.? 

Clark glanced at the clock on the wall. "Actually, it's just a little after 5" he chuckled. 

Lex groaned. "And I thought it was just cloudy outside. Are you telling me the sun isn't even up yet?" 

"Nope" Clark said. "Welcome to the world of farming." 

Lex groaned again and slumped over, burying his face against Clark's neck. "Remind me to buy some earplugs today." 

Clark chuckled and laid his head atop of Lex's. "Then you'd end up sleeping all day and dad would really be pissed." 

"Only if I still had you as a pillow" he heard Lex whisper. "Then it would be worth it." 

Before Clark could respond, though he wasn't really sure what to say, they heard water running in the upstairs bathroom. Lex groaned and sat up again. 

"Guess that's our queue to get up." 

Clark yawned and stretched, his muscles kinked from sleeping in one position for the night. When he settled back against the couch and opened his eyes again, he saw Lex watching him. The expression on his face caused Clark's heart rate to quicken. They stared at each other for a moment, speaking with their eyes what neither was ready to say aloud. Then Lex broke the spell by smiling softly at Clark and standing up. "How about we go see about getting some coffee going. I think I'm going to be needing it." He held his hand out to Clark, and when Clark took it, he pulled him up to stand next to him. He held onto Clarks hand for a moment, squeezing lightly, then let go, turning toward the kitchen without another word. 

Clark stood there for a moment, his mind trying to wrap itself around everything that had happened in the few short hours that Lex had arrived on their doorstep. Not only were things better between him and Lex, but they were closer than ever. And while everyone seemed to think Clark was some naive little kid, he was not as innocent as they thought. He could sense the underlying sexual tension that had developed between them. Hell, he was getting hard just thinking about it. He just wasn't sure either of them were ready to openly admit it quite yet. 

"Clark, are you coming?" Lex called from the kitchen. 

Clark gave himself a mental shake and tried to will away his growing erection. The sounds of his parents moving around upstairs helped tremendously and after a moment he followed Lex. "Lex, have you ever even _made_ coffee before?" he snickered as he entered the kitchen to find Lex staring at the can of coffee like he'd never seen one before. 

"Go to hell, Kent" Lex shot back, grinning over his shoulder at him. Yeah...this was going to be very interesting. 

* * *

Clark dropped down onto the couch in his loft with a groan. While he didn't physically get tired, waiting tables at the Talon had worn on his nerves. After working one night with Lana, he was definitely having second thoughts about the whole thing. He wasn't sure what had possessed him to take the job in the first place. He knew he wanted to fix things with Lana. While he had pretty much given up on them being anything more than friends, he didn't like the uneasiness that was between them now. But he was starting to think that working for her was going to just make things worse. 

And then there was the whole thing with Lucas flipping out in the middle of the Talon, demanding that Lana fire him and threatening to close the place down, rubbing Clark's nose in the fact that Lex was left with nothing. It was all Clark could do to restrain himself from hitting Lucas right in his smug face. But no...instead he had to go and save him from that lunatic on the motorcycle. And did he even get a thank you for saving the asshole's life? Hell no. All he got was bruises on his back from the damn bullets he'd blocked. And while he generally couldn't get hurt, those fucking stung! 

And through all of this, he couldn't get his mind off of Lex. He'd found out some disturbing news about his brother earlier in the day and had gone to confront him about it. Clark hadn't seen him since. But he had a feeling whatever happened between them had sparked the confrontation at the Talon between himself and Lucas. Now he was just anxious to see Lex and make sure he was alright. 

"Clark?" 

Speak of the devil. 

Lex came bounding up the stairs of the loft, his expensive coat flapping behind him, a frantic look in his eyes. "Clark! God, I just heard! Are you alright?" he demanded, dropping down on his knees in front of the couch. "If you were hurt because of that son of a bitch..." 

Clark reached out and put a hand on Lex's shoulder. "Calm down Lex. I'm fine. No one was seriously hurt." A warm feeling spread through him at the sight of Lex's obvious concern for him. 

Lex let out a huge sigh and dropped his head on Clark's knee. "When I heard there was a shooting, and you were there...God..." His body shuddered. 

Clark couldn't help the small flash of triumph at the fact that Lex had been so worried about him and not Lucas. _That's really bad Clark_ the voice in his head told him, but he chose to ignore it. 

Lex lifted his head and looked hard at Clark. "Are you sure you're alright?" 

Clark smiled at him and took hold of his arm, pulling him up on the couch next to him. "Yeah Lex, I told you, I'm fine." 

Lex slumped down on the couch and leaned against Clark. "So you want to tell me what happened tonight?" 

"If you'll tell me what happened today" Clark replied, automatically wrapping an arm around Lex's shoulder and pulling him close. _Funny how much things can change in less than twenty-four hours_ he thought. This time yesterday, he wouldn't have dared to touch Lex like this, no matter how much he wanted to. Yeah, he was one of the few people actually allowed into Lex's personal space even before last night, but this went beyond a touch or a hand on a shoulder. But now, this just felt natural...right. 

Lex sunk into the embrace and sighed. "I confronted Lucas. He admitted that our father contacted him about three weeks ago." He shook his head. "God I was such a fucking fool! I should have known it was just too easy!" 

Clark tightened his hold and rubbed a hand up and down Lex's arm absently. "So what happened?" 

Lex shrugged. "Nothing really. He made veiled threats, I made veiled threats, he kicked me out of what used to be _my_ fucking house..." Lex's voice trailed off, but Clark could hear the hurt and frustration in his tone. Still, he couldn't help but smile just a little at how Lex referred to the castle as a "house". But the smile quickly disappeared as his mind turned back to the issue at hand. 

"Lex...umm..." He felt like he was being conceited, even thinking of asking what he was about to ask, but he had to know. 

"What is it, Clark" Lex asked, looking up at him. 

"Umm...was anything said about me today?" He felt Lex stiffen slightly in his arms. 

"Why do you ask?" His voice sounded guarded. 

"Well...when Lucas showed up at the Talon tonight, he seemed really pissed...at me. He told Lana to fire me. When she refused, he told her he'd shut the place down." He heard Lex mutter a curse under his breath. "When I went after him and told him I'd quit if he'd leave Lana and the Talon alone, he told me it was too late." Clark hated laying this on Lex, but he had to know what was going on. 

"Fuck" Lex said, burying his head against Clark's shoulder. "I'm sorry I got you involved in this" he whispered. 

"Lex..." he waited for Lex to look at him, and when he didn't, Clark tightened his grip on his shoulders. "I lo...care about you. A lot. I was already involved." Now wasn't the time for declarations. 

"Thank you, Clark" he said softly, his voice somewhat hoarse. "So what happened?" 

Clark didn't say anything for a moment...though his mind was going a mile a minute. To tell him or not to tell him. That was the question. Clark wanted to tell him. More than anything he wanted to tell him. But the one thing that stopped him was not the fear of what his parents would think...he knew they'd be pissed, and he really didn't care. No, the one thing that stopped him...had stopped him all these months...was the fear of Lex's reaction. He knew he'd be pissed. Pissed that Clark had lied to him for so long. And he knew he'd be hurt. That was something Clark never wanted to do; hurt Lex. He'd rather cut off his own arm (if that were even possible) than to hurt Lex. But he knew if he told him the truth, that would be unavoidable. He was also terrified that Lex would look at him as a freak. He didn't think he could take that. But above all of this, he knew that eventually he would tell Lex, or he would find out for himself: Lex was a smart man. And the longer he waited, the worse the reaction would be. 

"Clark?" 

Clark took a deep breath. _I love you Lex_. "When I followed Lucas out the back door, there was this guy on a motorcycle. Before I knew what was happening, he pulled out a gun and started shooting." 

Lex pulled away and looked at Clark. "If you didn't know what was happening before the guy started shooting, how did you push Lucas out of the way?" Lex was too smart for his own good. 

Clark stood up and started pacing the small confines of the loft. _You can do this_. _You have to do this_. "Lex...I...uh..." 

"Clark?" Lex stood up and walked in front of Clark, stopping his pacing. "Talk to me. What's going on?" His voice sounded guarded, and Clark couldn't stop the shaking that had overcome his body. 

Clark looked at his feet, unable to meet Lex's gaze. "I didn't push him out of the way" he said quietly. 

"Excuse me? He wasn't shot, you weren't shot...bullets were found on the scene, so he wasn't using blanks. What do you mean you didn't push him out of the way?" Lex was starting to sound angry, and Clark became even more nervous. 

"I didn't push him out of the way" Clark insisted softly. "I blocked the bullets." He said this so quickly, and Lex was so quiet, he wasn't sure if he'd heard him. 

"You did what?" Damn, no such luck. 

Clark turned and looked Lex in the eyes, hoping his expression would show all of the feelings he wasn't able to articulate. "I blocked the bullets" he said quietly. To illustrate the point, he pulled out the shirt he'd been wearing from behind the pillow on the couch, holding it out to Lex. 

Lex slowly took the shirt and examined it, his fingers poking and caressing the two bullet holes in the back. After a moment, he looked up at Clark, questions burning in his eyes. "Clark?" 

He had to sit down. His knees would no longer hold him. "I've wanted to tell you for so long" he whispered. He couldn't look at Lex. Instead he looked at his hands, clasped between his knees. "Since `Level Three' I've wanted to tell you. I just never could find the nerve." 

Lex cleared his throat and sat down next to Clark...close, but not touching. "Tell me what?" He was still clutching the shirt. 

"I'm not human, Lex" he said, taking the plunge. He turned his head away so he couldn't see Lex at all, not even in his peripheral vision. "I came down with the meteors. I can't get hurt, I can't get sick...well except when meteor rocks are involved. I can see through things, I can run really fast, and I'm really strong." He took a deep breath. "Oh, and I can set fire to things just by looking at them." 

Total silence made his ears ring. He could feel the tension pouring off of Lex and his eyes boring into the back of his head. "I wanted to tell you" he whispered. 

Lex stood up and walked to the window of the loft, still carrying the ruined shirt. "But you didn't trust me" he said quietly. 

Clark shook his head vigorously, though Lex couldn't see. "It had nothing to do with trust" he insisted. 

"Nothing to do with trust" Lex repeated. His voice sounded distant. "So you trusted me, but you still fucking lied to me...for months. You claimed to be my best friend, yet you lied." 

Clark cringed as his heart started to pound harder. "Lex..." he pleaded, standing up and walking toward him. 

But Lex stopped him as he turned around and glared. "You said you were my friend. You were the one fucking person I trusted. The one true friend I've ever had." He let out a laugh, though there was no humor in his voice. "The one true friend...and you played me even worse than Lucas and my father." 

"Lex, no!" Clark said, his eyes filling with unwanted tears. "I wasn't playing you! I was scared!" 

Lex shook his head as he started to walk toward the stairs. "You told me you trusted me. How could you be scared of someone you trust?" When he felt Clark come up behind him, he turned around and flung the offending shirt in his face. "I fucking trusted you!" Hurt and anger spilled from him as he turned and fled down the stairs. 

"Lex!" Clark called to him in a choked voice, but didn't follow. As he heard Lex exit the barn, he crumpled to his knees and dropped his head into the shirt he was now holding. He'd lost Lex. 

* * *

Clark flung the feed bags out of the truck and onto the ground with much more force than was needed. It was dark...actually time to be thinking of getting to bed...but he needed to work. Needed to work off his frustrations, needed to try and clear his mind. He knew that if he went to bed he'd just lay there and stare at the ceiling anyway. 

Lex was gone. He'd left earlier, thanking Clark's father, but not saying a word to him. Hadn't said a word since the night before. Clark had been hoping he'd come back and talk, but Lex had disappeared for the night, not showing up until Clark was at school the next day. Then he was only there long enough to grab his stuff and thank Jonathon. 

What happened next was a little fuzzy to everyone. Well, everyone but Lex and Lucas. Lucas had shown up as Lex was leaving, striking Jonathon in the back of the head with a gun and knocking him out. His dad hadn't known at the time who had hit him, but Clark put the pieces together after everything was over. After he'd "rescued" Lex. 

He still felt like an idiot. He'd gone after Lex, after hearing his father talking to Lucas. What he'd found was Lex tied up in a chair with Lucas and Lionel both pointing guns at him and threatening to kill him. He could hear Lex's erratic breathing even through the walls. _God he's a good fucking actor_! When he realized that Lex was in imminent danger, it was all he could do not to just bust down the doors and save him. But Lionel was curious enough about him, had kept all those files on him, and Clark didn't want to give him any more things to add to his growing suspicions. Besides, he didn't think Lex would have appreciated his help, even if he was saving his life. So he'd climbed up into the heating duct and over top of the office they were in. Seeing with his x-ray vision the trouble Lex was in had been bad enough, but seeing it in full color made his heart stop. Just as Lucas pointed the gun at Lionel, demanding he shoot Lex, Clark did the only thing he could think of. He sent the heat from his eyes, burning Lucas's hand and causing him to drop the gun. What happened next still had him reeling. Apparently it had all been a setup. Both guns held blanks. Good thing for Lucas too, because even though Lionel refused to shoot Lex, he had no qualms about getting rid of his other son. After Lucas revealed to Lionel that the guns held blanks, Lex had actually smiled. Clark had wanted to go down there and strangle him for scaring him so badly. Instead, as Lucas untaped Lex from the chair and helped him up, Clark quickly and quietly slipped away. 

Now he was at home, taking his frustrations out on poor defenseless feed bags. When he heard a car coming down the lane he looked up, surprised. He'd know the sound of any one of Lex's cars from a mile off. He was still driving the convertible. His mom had said something about Lex coming to get the rest of his things, but Clark assumed that he'd do it tomorrow, when Clark was at school. His heart hammered in his chest, his stomach flip-flopped, and his mouth went dry as Lex pulled to a stop a few yards from him. 

"My mom told me you were going to come back and get the rest of your stuff" he managed to choke out as Lex exited his car and walked toward him. 

Lex shrugged, a small smile on his face. "Surprisingly, my father's had a change of heart." Lex stopped just inches in front of Clark, and Clark was sure his heart was going to pound right out of his chest. He wondered idly if Lex could hear it. 

"I'm sorry Lucas didn't turn out to be the brother you wanted" he said sincerely. 

"Considering his father, I'm surprised he's still alive at all" Lex replied. 

Clark shifted his eyes away from Lex for a moment, knowing there was more truth in that statement than he was supposed to know. "Where is Lucas now?" he asked to cover it up. 

"Safe" Lex said, walking around Clark and leaning on the back of the truck. "But I'm going to have some work to do to regain his trust." 

Clark wanted to drop down on his knees right then and there and beg Lex to forgive him. Lex wasn't the only one who had a lot of work to do regaining trust. "You will" he said softly. "You're not your father." He looked down at the ground, afraid to meet Lex's gaze. There was more going on here than a discussion about Lucas, and he knew that. 

Lex sighed. "Sometimes Clark, we're all held hostage by the will of our fathers. The only difference is your father's a good man. All my father does is push people away." Clark knew he was thinking of more than just his dad with that statement, and a little bit of hope fluttered in his heart. "Your dad opened his home to me, no questions asked." Clark looked up, and they held each others gaze for a moment, unspoken emotions shining bright. 

Clark slowly walked over and leaned against the truck next to Lex. Close, but not quite touching. "As long as I live I don't think I'm ever going to understand your family." 

Lex leaned back a little and put his hands in his pockets, a small smile curling his lips. "Neither will I. Just remember; my father may try to rule the world" he turned and looked at Clark "but yours will inherit the earth." He searched Clarks eyes for a moment, then turned away, staring out across the dark field before them. "I'm sorry, Clark" he said softly. 

"Lex, no...I'm the one who should be..." Clark started to protest but Lex cut him off. 

"Clark. Please. Let me apologize here. I'm not very good at this, you know. Not much practice." He turned his head and gave Clark a small smile. 

Clark felt like the weight of the world was suddenly lifted off of his shoulders at the sight of that smile, and he visibly sagged against the truck. "Lex..." 

"I shouldn't have run. I should have stayed and talked it out." He sighed and turned to face Clark, moving to stand in front of him. "I can't promise it won't happen again, but I can promise you I won't stay gone forever." 

Clark searched his eyes for a moment, until the tears he was trying to hold back blurred his vision. Then he did the one thing he'd been wanting to do since Lex had driven up, and pulled him against him, holding him tight. "I thought...I thought I lost you..." he whispered as he buried his face in Lex's shoulder. He was glad he was leaning against the truck because he was shaking so hard he didn't think he could stand on his own. 

"I'll always come back to you, Clark. Always" Lex promised him softly as his hands snaked under Clarks coat and ran up and down his back soothingly. 

"I'm sorry I hurt you" Clark choked out, all the emotions he'd kept bottled up since the night before coming out in full force. "I'm so sorry, Lex." 

"Hey...shh...I know you are. I'm sorry I hurt you, too." He gently pulled back and looked at Clark, their faces just inches apart. He reached up and wiped a stray tear away. "You ready to go talk now?" 

Clark nodded, though at that moment all he wanted to do was close those couple of inches separating them and kiss Lex. And from the look in Lex's eyes, he wasn't alone. But they needed to talk first, before anything like that could happen, so he closed his eyes to break the contact and straightened up. When Lex moved away from him, the loss of his body heat caused Clark to shiver. 

"The loft?" Lex asked, and Clark nodded again. He seemed to have lost his voice. The walked to the barn, shoulder to shoulder, not saying anything. When they got to the loft, Clark clicked on the small desk lamp and sat on the couch. Lex sat next to him. This time close enough that they were touching. "Why didn't you tell me sooner, Clark? I begged you to tell me." 

His voice was soft, and Clark's heart broke at the hurt that shadowed the question. 

"Why didn't you trust me?" 

Clark put his elbows on his knees and dropped his head into his hands. "It had nothing to do with trust, Lex" he said, running his fingers through is hair. 

"Then what?" He could tell Lex wanted to believe him...was trying his best to believe him, but just couldn't quite bring himself to do it. 

"You suspected I've been lying to you pretty much since the beginning. At first, it wasn't that I didn't trust you...I just didn't know you. And then...I don't know...I wanted to tell you...but I've always been told I couldn't tell anyone. Not a single person. And after years and years of that, it's hard to just start talking about it, you know?" He turned his head and looked at Lex, pleading with his eyes. Lex didn't speak, just reached over and laid a hand on Clark's leg. That was enough to give him courage to continue. "So I kept putting it off and putting it off, even though I knew the longer I waited, the more pissed...and hurt you would be. And the last thing I'd _ever_ want to do is hurt you, so I'd put it off some more. It was just this cycle I couldn't break. Lying about who I am and what I am is second nature to me. It's not easy to stop." He took a deep breath and stood up, knowing he had to say everything, even if he was afraid of the answer he'd get. "Those aren't the only reasons I didn't tell you, though." He walked over to the window, where he was shrouded in shadows. He felt Lex come up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder. 

"You told me you were afraid. What are you afraid of, Clark? Of me? Of what you think I'd do with the knowledge?" Lex sounded hurt again, and Clarks heart broke just a little more. "You know, I guessed a lot of it a long time ago. If I wanted to do something, I would have done it by now." 

"No" he shook his head vigorously. "I never thought for a second you'd do anything...bad" he said quietly. "I was afraid..." his voice was shaking so much he was having trouble talking. "I was afraid of how...of how you'd react" he whispered. 

"Clark?" Lex sounded confused. 

Clark hung his head. "You are the only person I know who treats me like a normal guy. You don't treat me like a kid, you never talk down to me, you treat me as if we're equals. I was afraid that if I told you, you'd think I was some kind of freak" he whispered in a rush. "I mean I know I am...but...I just didn't want things to change between us." 

Lex suddenly stepped back and grabbed Clark's arm, spinning him around. "Clark, look at me" he demanded when Clark wouldn't meet his gaze. When Clark slowly lifted his eyes, he was surprised to see anger flashing in Lex's. "You are _not_ a freak! Do you understand me? Don't you _ever_ refer to yourself like that again!" 

Clark tried to duck his head again, but Lex wouldn't let him...placing a finger under his chin and holding his gaze. Suddenly, Lex's blue eyes softened and he lifted another hand to run his fingers across Clark's cheek. "I don't ever want to hear you talking like that again, got it?" Clark swallowed hard and nodded before closing his eyes and turning his head into Lex's touch. "You are perfect just the way you are" he whispered. 

Clark opened his eyes and looked at Lex. "So we're ok?" he asked softly, almost pleadingly. 

Lex softly smiled at him. "More than ok" he said before he leaned in and kissed him. 

Clark moaned softly and leaned into Lex, opening his mouth slightly as he felt Lex's tongue gently caress his lips. He held the kiss for a moment, reveling in it, before pulling back a little and looking into Lex's eyes. "No more secrets." It was a statement as much as a question. 

Lex shook his head. "No, no more secrets" he said seriously. "No more lies." 

Clark's whole body sagged with the release of the tension that had kept him strung out for the past few days. He felt Lex pull him into an embrace, and he wrapped his arms around him, burying his face in his neck. 

Lex held him tight for a moment before speaking. "Want to go for a drive? I think we have a lot to talk about and I'd like a little more privacy than this to do it." Clark just nodded against his shoulder. "Ok. Why don't you go wait in the car. I'll go tell your mom." 

Clark held tight to Lex for a moment longer, almost scared to let go...afraid if he did then it would all be over. Lex seemed to read his thoughts. 

"Clark, it's ok" he said softly, running his fingers through his hair. "I'm not going anywhere. But I want us to get everything out in the open. I don't want anything between us anymore. I think the worst is behind us, but I know we both still have questions." 

Clark nodded again and stepped back, looking into Lex's eyes. Then the words slipped out before he could even think to stop them. "I love you" he whispered. 

Lex held his gaze for a moment before speaking. "Me too" he said softly. "Since the first day I saw you." 

Maybe it wasn't what Clark was hoping for, but for now, it was enough. He could see the emotion burning in Lex's eyes. It was more than enough. 


End file.
